IVF Cyle - Part 1
By Aimee on
First Cycle - Part 1.
I’ve been really open about our fertility journey. Our try’s, our failures, our missed miscarriage and subsequent D&C, and now our IVF.
Initially I was very angry at my body for letting me down, the best thing I’ve ever done is see a counsellor to go through all the emotions that have stuck too hard. my fear, guilt, grief, sadness, anger. I’m no longer angry at my body, I see it’s potential and excited about what it has done and will do again. There’s hope. But it’s constant work. I have to actively look at my emotions. I’m no longer angry but have moments of anger. I’m no longer sad, I have moments of sadness and so on.
When we booked on for our first IVF cycle I believed regardless of outcome, it was the right choice to start it now. It has been a test of patience though with the way it has progressed. On day 2 of my cycle the stim medications started. I felt pretty confident injecting myself after having to use injections for the ovulation induction cycles done last year. With my first dose I sat and waited thinking - when are the hormones going to kick in? Will I go crazy right away? Will I rage? After a few days and a blood test they upped my dose and sent me on my way. If you’re curious here’s a little video of me doing my injections.
I Had to create a handy little on the road med kit so I could sneak out of the new Batman film to do my meds. This was cycle day 7 for me and I had started my second needle at that point. Did I feel a little like a junkie? Yes. Still no raging at this point. No hormonal breakdowns that seemed too out of the ordinary. I may have yelled once a little miss, and cried at the dinner table because I felt like I failed dinner (even though Sam had 3 servings) but otherwise felt ok.
On cycle day 8 they did bloods and scans, said things were growing and to come back in two days to repeat. Two days later I did it again, to which they said the same thing. Looking good, there’s some growth, come back in two days. On the third bloods and scan they said one egg of the lot looked ready, best to do another bloods and scan on Monday to check growth. This back and forth between the fun internal scans and the bruises on my arm from the blood tests was wearing a little thin. I took to the ivf forums to check this was normal for them all to say - nothing in ivf is normal. Thank you captain obvious but it still made me a feel better somehow.
The lesson I teach parents of not comparing their kids progress to other kids came back to me. I stopped, thought about just me and compared everything to the previous scans. Did I have a good amount of follicles? Yes. Had they grown each time? Yes. Did it matter that my body was taking things nice and easy? Not really. Deep breath and change of thought patterns (even when pumped full or hormones somehow I was being fairly reasonable)
Then later that day after the third scan I got a call from the nurses. Saying my progesterone had sort of jumped the gun and they wouldn’t be able to do a fresh transfer due to the way the lining would be when transfer day would happen- cue meltdown after getting off the phone. No Christmas baby, no baby this year, more waiting, more money, situation had changed, woe is me etc etc.
All the feelings I had were valid, I’m still disappointed but again deep breath. I looked at facts and prepared myself again. I’m still excited for our sunflower baby whenever they happen, I’m still making progress towards said sunflower baby, my uterus will be in a more accepting and calm place when the transfer time comes, I won’t be hyped on the same level of meds as I would be for a fresh transfer. There’s a reason things like this take time and each cycle is a way to learn.
I finally got the scan and bloods that told me I was ready for my egg collection and I was to take my trigger shot that night, and one other injection. No more stims. I was almost home free. Now came the daunting reality of being put under for the retrieval. Hubby and I arrived bright and early on Egg Pick Up day. He needed to produce his sample, or his ‘contribution’ as he called it and headed through to an unnaturally non-descript room while I waited to be put in the lovely blue gown, cap and sock covers! I was nervous but with 15 good sized follicles all ready to go I was hopeful.
The team all seemed really lovely as I was walked in, jabbed and put to sleep. I always wake up confused after a general. I’m always like ‘why am I dreaming? Isn’t it the middle of the day? Where am I?’ After coming to my senses I checked my hand. They always write how many eggs are collected on your hand and I had 6 collected. Which made me feel gutted as I had 15 follicles but only 6 eggs. A very lovely nurse consoled me after the Dr talked about how disappointed he was with it too. The nurse said it wasn’t the quantity but the quality, everything looked really good but I couldn’t help but feel a little deflated. But still 6 was better than none!
I honestly felt pretty good after the surgery. I was a bit tender but was up and walking about sooner than I thought. They told us the following day that 4 of the 6 eggs had fertilised overnight and it was a great result. Then a few days later they told us 3 of the 4 were making great progress and one was a bit behind. A few days after that they said 2 had made it to the freezer. Surprisingly those other 2 made it to freeze as well. We had a 100% success rate on the ones that fertilised which was pretty much unheard of. So currently have 4 babies on ice.
When I had said I was feeling better I was almost kidding myself. Started doing too much too soon and had some very tender tummy days after moving around too much. Eek. Resting with a 4 year old is tough but she was so good and gentle. She’s been very keen to hear all about what’s going on. It has made her nervous about me leaving for appointments which causes a bit of a melt down but we’re getting there!
Now to know next steps and transfer one of our frozen babies 😊